Institutions
There are two reasons for the existence of dining institutions. The first is that they are (or once were) bastions of good eating. The second is that they are in possession of some uncanny virtue which elevates them from the banality of their gastronomic offerings. What follows is an assortment of establishments that fall emphatically in the second category. Such is the mysterious status of these places that no amount of slander on my part will affect their enduring popularity in the slightest. I have no pretensions about my capacity for influence over these inviolable institutions; instead I shall merely state that their prominence, rather than merit, dictate their obligatory inclusion.
The many loyal devotees of Saburo's all rave about colossal portions of sashimi at budget prices. First of all, I empathise deeply with the need for solace after one has just spent 45 minutes in line for the privilege of forcing down blocks of gristly salmon flesh. I also see how there's no better consolation than knowing at least one didn't have to pay very much for the ignominious experience. But I still find the adulation heaped upon Saburo's from otherwise sensible individuals genuinely baffling. Do people really willingly pay less just to get more inferior fish? Can the masses derive true pleasure from sashimi so poorly sliced? Does a well-priced menu really redeem Saburo's from mediocrity in their eyes ? Clearly, woefully, the answer is yes, yes, and yes.
Not nearly so much of a distressing conundrum, the popularity of The Delta is quite obviously because of something other than its food. Having been memorably saved during one late-night thesis session by their BBQ pork po'boy, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but it's true. Whether the hipsters are lured by the oh-so-classy PBR served in champagne coolers or the charmingly unkempt voodoo-grunge décor is difficult to say. It might even be the favourable topography; I have it on good authority that tottering drunkenly down a hill is less work than it is going up. The middling-to-inadequate Southern cooking is no doubt an aberration to those who know how good it can be. For the rest of us, it's maybe a bit overpriced for what it is, but an easy stroll up – and an even easier stumble down – Woodstock when you need some sustenance to go with your late night booze. Sides are discounted during happy hour: the macaroni and cheese is particularly decent.
Besides The Delta, dining options in the immediate area around Reed are limited to Thai and Chinese (see below), and the venerable pair of Otto's Sausage Kitchen and Woodstock Wine & Deli. Otto's specialises in, well, sausages. Excellent hot dogs are freshly grilled outside at lunchtime year round. Very good sandwiches and soups are also available inside, along with a diverse range of cooked and uncooked meats (sausages, steaks, bacon, salami) and cheeses.
Woodstock Wine & Deli is also recommended for lunch. Sandwiches are not exceptional – to me they're less satisfying than Otto's – but if nothing else, a large display of cakes and truffles makes up for any such deficiencies. The best drinks and wine store in the vicinity, they will try to order for you what they do not have in stock. Moreover, Woodstock Wine & Deli probably has a closer relationship to the Reed community than any other local food/wine trader; this is the place to buy cheap champagne for thesis parade and convenient appetiser platters for orals board.
Whether the legendary Acropolis Steakhouse can justifiably be called a gastronomic institution is a matter of opinion. Well, actually it's not. The only reason why people come to the Acropolis is the singular and not entirely unobjectionable experience of chowing down cheap slabs of meat while ogling jiggly breasts. Or to put it another way, the Acropolis gives the term "mouthwatering strip steak" a whole different meaning. A $4 cover (except Sundays and Mondays) gets you $5 beef and naked ladies. If you don't come here at least once before you graduate, you leave Reed with a strangely empty sensation, feeling almost as unfulfilled as if you hadn't been handed a diploma by Diver. Which, I suppose, might be considered another definition of an institution.
Acropolis Steakhouse: 8325 SE McLoughlin Blvd $-$$
The Delta Cafe: 4607 SE Woodstock Blvd $-$$
Otto’s Sausage Kitchen: 4138 SE Woodstock Blvd $-$$
Saburo's: 1667 SE Bybee Blvd $$
Woodstock Wine & Deli: 4030 SE Woodstock Blvd $-$$